we must find the magic
that makes our souls soar.
My life feels like a vacuum.
I can't take anything in, I can't let anything out.
So I hover, like the golden dragon fly that has haunted my dreams for the past two weeks.
There are so many things I need to do.
Basic everyday things, things that I would normally do without thinking.
Instead I sit at the computer playing FarmTown on Face Book.
Friends and family have kept PH and I busy, retirement parties, visits to cottages, wild life exhibits, art galleries,
lunches, BBQ's, auctions, gardening.
Events, that while they are enjoyable, prevent me from organising my thoughts.
I dream of my Dad drawing and sketching,
things he was unable to do for the last few years.
Later this week we will visit friends we have had for over 30 years.
Her father died the same day as mine, with the same disease.
There are no coincidences.
Perhaps, when we sit together and talk we can make sense of it.
Since June 26th I have been living in the past,
reliving my childhood and the years in England
before we came to Canada.
Remembering family holidays and celebrations,
and laughing about the fun we had.
I can't cry, and I need to.